


Bad for Me

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [23]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Forbidden Love, Jealous! Nikolai, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21810400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: They had never gone further than this, never dared to cross the line. This was as much as he had ever gotten from Zoya Nazyalensky, a flirtatious smirk and a few stolen glances. Because they couldn’t risk it. Because a whole country was at stake here. And yet Nikolai couldn’t move, couldn’t possibly pull away. He breathed in the scent of her perfume as his lips found her jaw, pressing a kiss to the skin. He wanted more. He wanted everything.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: One Shots [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/594364
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	Bad for Me

This wasn’t fair. Nikolai clenched his fists, trying to turn the traitorous thoughts off. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking this. And he surely wasn’t supposed to  _ stare  _ either. And yet his body didn’t listen to his better judgement. His eyes couldn’t turn away from her, from that dress, the dress that had just reduced all of his composure to nothing. 

Zoya looked radiant, her black hair falling in waves down her back as she turned to Genya, exposing the deep cut of her blue dress, the dress which hugged her in all the right places and left too much of her glowing skin exposed. 

Nikolai felt like drowning. He remembered the first time he had ever seen her, back when he had only been a prince, and how he had wondered how so much beauty would ever be justified. He had eventually learned to work with Zoya without staring, without being too aware of her long lashes or those incredibly blue eyes. He had come to appreciate her for all her other qualities, to the point where he was able to forget about her haunting beauty for a while, if only he could see her smile or roll her eyes or listen to her prickly comments. 

And yet there were moments where it hit him harder than usual, where he was barely able to breathe with her in the same room. 

This dress didn’t make it any easier. It really didn’t. 

Genya’s voice made Nikolai look up, forced to turn back to her and Zoya. “Ready, your Highness?” she repeated her question, adding a smile. 

Zoya’s gaze had settled on him as well, her eyes surrounded by black coal liner. She looked every inch a Ravkan queen. “The Shu are going to be waiting,” she added, already moving towards the door.

_ The Shu.  _ The reason they were even having this ball. Nikolai had forgotten all about them. “Of course,” he said too quickly, following his general out of the room. He needed to get his act together. 

Zoya reached for his arm, her fingers brushing along the fabric of his shirt. “Let’s see if we can make them aid us,” she said quietly, her voice cool and calculated. Despite the outfit, she was still the commander. The highest ranking Grisha in all of Ravka. 

Which was why Nikolai hated the plan. “You don’t have to do any of this, you know,” he replied, leading her towards the ballroom. “I have enough arguments to convince them without your help.”

Zoya fluffed her hair back, shaking her head in the process. “I doubt your charm alone is enough to convince them to hand over their army.” She gave him a calculated look. “You need some female help.” 

Nikolai felt himself tensing at even the thought. He didn’t like this. 

She seemed to have felt his reaction, since Zoya halted in front of the room, stepping away from him. Her eyes met his. “Just let me handle it.” A smile tugged at her lips. “I’m very convincing.” 

He didn’t doubt that for one second. Nikolai exhaled carefully, nodding as he opened the door for her.

The shift in the room was immediate as Zoya stepped inside, and Nikolai could already see the Shu delegation turning their heads. He felt the sudden urge to drag Zoya out of the room. Hide her from all those looks. 

But instead he ignored the sensation, following her towards the group. He couldn’t let his own unprofessionalism get in the way. Besides, Zoya was most certainly off-limits. She had reminded him of that too many times. 

The Shu greeted Nikolai respectfully, and yet their eyes were pinned to Zoya. The one closest to her moved to kiss her hand, lingering at the touch for a heartbeat too long. Nikolai felt his blood boiling already. 

Zoya shifted closer, batting her lashes as she started a seemingly innocent conversation, the man already offering her a drink. He wasn’t even bad looking, and perhaps that only made it worse. Nikolai gladly would have broken a few of his bones, just for the way the man’s eyes were drinking Zoya in, the way he moved to take her arm as he led her towards the bar. Although this was exactly how the plan had been meaning to go. 

“Tales of your commander’s beauty were not exaggerated,” another Shu commented, still staring after the couple, just as Nikolai did. “If she is just as deadly on the battlefield-” 

“Even more so,” Nikolai cut in quickly, adding a diplomatic smile. They needed to get back to business, while Zoya handled her part of the plan. 

He didn’t dare to look in her direction again. 

oOo

Nikolai was sitting next to Genya, staring at Zoya and the Shu in the distance. He could feel every inch of his skin prickling with anger. Not even the whiskey he had just downed had helped. He couldn’t help but stare, not only at Zoya, who seemed to grow only more beautiful by the second, but at the way she was leaning closer, batting her lashes, smiling and laughing. She was  _ flirting.  _ Just like she was supposed to, and still… 

“We should end this,” Nikolai said out loud, careful to conceal the edge to his voice. “This has been going on for long enough.” 

Genya looked up from her drink, frowning. “She looks like she’s having fun.” 

_ Yes, too much fun.  _ Zoya was basically glowing, the cascade of black hair falling down her back not managing to conceal the bare skin the dress had left exposed. Nikolai clenched his fist around the empty glass he was still holding. 

Naturally, Genya noticed. “Just you don’t look like enjoying yourself, your Highness,” she remarked, arching one of her brows. 

He wondered if she knew, or if she thought he was just being protective. Hopefully the latter. “I don’t like the fact that we are leaving her alone with him.” 

Genya snorted, blowing a strand of red hair away from her face. “Zoya is probably the most deadly person in this room,” she remarked. “I think she can handle it.” 

Point taken. But Nikolai didn’t relax, just kept watching. 

Genya eventually took pity on him. “If you want, I can go over and pretend that I  _ really  _ need help with something which can’t wait another minute,” she offered, and in that moment he was all too well aware that she knew. “I’ll just tell her I ripped my dress and need to borrow one.” 

Zoya was never going to buy that, but Nikolai was quite honestly past the point of caring. He gave Genya a brief nod, not allowing himself to say anything else, and watched as she got to her feet. She swept towards Zoya, making sure to stumble once or twice to sell the act of being drunk - Genya really had a talent for acting - and eventually leaned heavily onto Zoya’s arm, saying something to her.   
  
For just a second Zoya’s blue eyes flickered towards Nikolai through the crowd, before she nodded at Genya and pulled away from the bar. He watched her give the Shu one last smile before turning away. 

His blood was boiling at the look the man was giving her, even across the room… Nikolai felt the strong urge to rip him to pieces. It was an entirely new sensation. 

He got up as well, subtly leaving the room, slipping outside into the cool hallway. 

Zoya was turning as he approached, arms crossed, blue eyes flashing. “I thought we had a plan,” she greeted him, raising a brow. 

“I think you did enough flirtatious engaging for today,” he commented dryly. He was hardly in the mood to pick a fight right now. 

Genya had chosen the moment to silently slip back into the ballroom, closing the door behind herself. And then they were alone.

Zoya, standing right in front of him, and much too close for his comfort. She lifted her chin. “I almost had him,” she snapped. 

“Where, in your bed?” Nikolai regretted the words the moment they had left his lips, seeing the way she flinched, the shadow passing over her face. 

Zoya’s eyes gleamed with new anger. “So what?” she asked quietly. “At least then we might have been safe to assume that they would ally with us.” 

Nikolai approached her, and Zoya backed away against the wall. Her gaze met his, suddenly questioning. He wondered if she felt it too, that  _ pull,  _ that spark between them. He wasn’t able to stay away any longer, to keep his distance. 

Zoya exhaled sharply as his arms trapped her against the wall. “Nikolai,” she muttered, half a warning and half an invitation. “Someone will see-” 

He hardly heard her as he dropped his head, lips grazing the shell of her ear. Zoya’s fingers curled around his arm, nails digging into the skin as she seemed to have stopped breathing. Nikolai’s breathing caressed her skin as he moved his lips across her neck, featherlight touches. 

Zoya released a sharp breath. “You lured me out of there only to torture me?” she muttered, although she didn’t sound opposed to the idea. 

“After you tortured me all night.” His voice was almost a growl. He couldn’t rid himself of the image, of that man, his hand on Zoya… He pressed her tighter against the wall at the memory, lifting her chin so she would look at him. “I gladly would have torn him to shreds.” 

Zoya smirked, a spark of satisfaction entering her eyes. “Really, your Highness,” she mused, dropping her gaze down to his lips. 

They had never gone further than this, never dared to cross the line.  _ This  _ was as much as he had ever gotten from Zoya Nazyalensky, a flirtatious smirk and a few stolen glances. Because they couldn’t risk it. Because a whole country was at stake here. 

And yet Nikolai couldn’t move, couldn’t possibly pull away. He breathed in the scent of her perfume as his lips found her jaw, pressing a kiss to the skin. He wanted more. He wanted everything. 

Zoya didn’t move, still pressed against the wall. But he could hear the way her breathing hitched. “Someone might walk in…” she muttered, voice trailing off as she tilted her head to expose more of her neck. Her skin felt warm under his lips. 

He didn’t care. He had probably never cared about anything less. His fingers traced the lines of Zoya’s back, the naked skin where her dress was open. A shiver ran down her spine at the touch. 

Her blue eyes darted up to him, a silent question.  _ How far could they go? How much could they risk for a single moment?  _

Nikolai leaned in, lips hovering just over hers. Without touching. He could feel her heartbeat under his fingertips as he traced along the lines of her neck. But he waited, giving Zoya a chance to pull away. To make the sensible choice. 

She never moved. 

It was the last straw to make Nikolai’s self control shatter, the immunity he had so carefully built up around her. The world stopped spinning as their lips met, as anything except Zoya in his arms ceased to exist. There was no one else but them. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck as Nikolai pressed her tightly against the wall, running his fingers through her hair, trying to feel every inch of her under his fingertips. He would never be able to rid himself of this. Of the sensation that came with kissing Zoya Nazyalensky. Ravka could’ve burned to the ground and he wouldn’t have noticed. 

Somewhere, a door was slammed. Zoya backed away immediately, blue eyes suddenly wide with shock. 

Nikolai dropped his hands, cursing his own foolishness. But the hallway was empty. They were still alone. 

Zoya was breathing unevenly, back still against the wall. Her fingers had traveled to her lips, as if to feel the stain Nikolai had left behind. 

A moment passed. A moment in which he should have reconsidered, seized control. But he couldn’t. Because Zoya was standing right there, her hair now slightly messy, and those beautiful blue eyes resting on him. It was impossible to resist. 

He took her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin as her fingers curled around his. 

Zoya hesitated. He could watch the options play out in her head, the general calculating her next battle strategy. And yet he knew what she would decide on even before she had finished the thought. 

oOo

Zoya sat up straight, clutching the covers of Nikolai’s bed to herself. Even that was already wrong.  _ Nikolai’s bed.  _ She wasn’t supposed to be here. 

He was asleep next to her, golden curls falling into his face, one arm lazily wrapped around her. She could feel the heat of his body radiating towards her.  _ This was the worst thing she had ever done.  _ And that meant something, considering her catastrophic decision making in the past. 

But this was worse. There would be no coming back from this. Zoya would never again look at Nikolai and not remember this one night, this one mistake, which somehow didn’t feel like a mistake at all. It had been impossible to stop once they had started, and they had spiraled down doom ever since. 

She shifted carefully, trying to get free of his arms without waking him. Unfortunately, she had no such luck. 

Nikolai stirred, in response pulling her just a little tighter against him. Zoya was tempted to lie back down, curl up in his arms and close her eyes for just a moment. Just a moment to pretend. 

But a general and her king could ill afford such luxury. And so she pulled free, slipping to the edge of the bed. 

Nikolai caught her wrist, now glancing at her with sleepy eyes. “Why are you leaving?” he muttered, sounding completely innocent. 

Zoya made an attempt to free herself, but she was too tired to truly try. She was so tired of pretending. “Because you can’t risk being seen with me, your Highness,” she replied, hoping that the sharp tone of her voice would be enough reason for him to let her go. 

It wasn’t. Nikolai raised his head. “Everyone in the palace thinks you my mistress anyway,” he noted, sounding hardly bothered. “Besides, the only person likely to walk into this room in the morning is Genya, and I could bribe her into silence.” 

Zoya hated herself for not moving. For even hesitating. 

Nikolai kept his gaze pinned to her. Waiting for her to decide. It made everything even harder. 

This time, Zoya allowed him to pull her back. Out of everything about this situation, she hated this most. Her own weakness. 

Nikolai wrapped his arms back around her waist, pressing a kiss her shoulder blade. It was enough to make Zoya forget her doubts, enough to make her head swim. She hated every second of it. She hated how much she  _ didn’t  _ hate it. 

She listened to Nikolai’s breathing, just until he fell back asleep. Only then did she allow herself to relax, to close her own eyes. 

This was the only night they would ever have. 

Otherwise Ravka was a truly lost cause. 


End file.
